Saying that this upcoming surgery has reduced me to a crying 3 year old who wants her mommy is an understatement. I have never felt so frightened in my life. Or lonesome...

My best friend Rose, and I spent 2 hours last night laughing and crying, bemoaning the fact we live so far apart now. It would take hours to tell you how much she has done for for me, been there for me, and loved me unconditionally... warts and all. She's a rare jewel, indeed. I am greatly blessed and favored to know her. Which makes me miss her even more! Oh, how I wish she could be here for the surgery! Selfish, ain't I? Ya think you're growing as a Christian....

So, here it is kids: DON'T SMOKE, TAKE YOUR HEALTH SERIOUSLY!!!! Yes, we all think we'll live forever, but loves, you reap what you sow. I was once invincible too.

And once again, your thoughts and prayers mean so much. Thank you.

Gloria

Ah, another week of doctors, ER's, and more pain pills! We now have it narrowed down to heart and abdomen as the causes... they think... maybe. Love my new primary care doc, though. He actually listens when I tell him new in formation about my body's treason. He reminds me a lot of my favorite doc of all time, Dr. Burris. But I digress....

Doc Reed has changed my insulin to a long acting (24 hr) one. I only take one shot at night instead of the 5 or 6 I've been taking. Got up at 6am, checked sugar level, and got a reading of 197....WHOOO HOOOOO. We're shooting for 120 and with this morning's result, I think we got a shot! Best reading I've had in years for morning levels, which have stayed in the 300 to 500 range until this new, magic elixor!

After 8 hours spent in the ER, which still refuses to admit me, (insert ugly word here. Be creative!), I feel as if I'm making progress - finally. And if I don't die first, I'll get everything fixed and get off the nasty pain pills! 

The last few days have been glorious... not a cloud in the sky and I was able to soak up some sun in the afternoon... without having to bundle myself up in sweater, coat, scarf and gloves. AND I was able to wear a pair of sandals - WITHOUT socks! Thank the Lord... I was beginning to have visions of myself in August with the same gear on and people calling me a Yankee.... getting old ain't fer sissies!

Looking at all the wonderful things that God has blessed me with, how can I possibly be afraid? I can remember so many times that I didn't say anything at all because I was too afraid of saying the wrong thing to someone I knew was dying. It's horrible for the both of you, that elephant in the room. I'm not ready to die, but I'm not scared if it happens sooner than I'd planned. How silly we are, we always think that there is plenty of time to make amends, to right wrongs, or to tell the people we love that we love them. Tomorrow is never promised. I can't imagine what I'd be feeling if I didn't have faith and God's grace. He never promised easy, but He did promise to be by my side though the hard.

I didn't procrastinate in making out a will, living will and giving my son durable power of attorney. I don't want him having to make those hard decisions. Have to get 2 witnesses and take them to a notary to make it legal, then send off copies to the medical school here... donating my body, just like my mother did. 

I am reading James MacDonald's book, Authenic. Great read so far. Good to know that even great men of God make the same stupid mistakes I do! LOL Just finished Greg Laurie's, Why Believe. It's wonderful to be able to afford to make contributions to the causes I support and books that help me grow in my faith! I also got a new NIV bible. My very own! It's these little things that you don't appreciate until you can't do them... 

Have a meeting next week about my disability, downtown Memphis. I can hardly wait....lol 

Well, fun time is over. Back to housework.... Yes, I am still a domestic goddess....

Gloria

Well boys and girls, they have found a mass on my kidney, 0h and before we forget, a stone as well. My numbers are in the toilet. Blah, blah, blah!

Yep, it's been an exciting few weeks. Visits to ER and doctor. Lots of pain meds - "Look Maw, I is now a dope fiend!" Yee Haw! After weeks of calling every doctor on BlueCare"s list, I finally got my own doctor. He tried to get me admitted to hospital thru the ER. I went through the admission process, but was sent home around midnight after yet another CT scan, with scripts for pain meds, muscle relaxers and another nice shot of morphine. My second of the evening. Still having an effect, pain bearable.

Called Dr. and made another appointment - it's just me and him now. Apparently, the hospital thinks I'm going to die real soon, so keep the ol' lady doped and happy. Less expensive... I saw the same thing happen as my mother got older and her cancer progressed. 

But, after a nice vomit after the doc told me, I'm okay. God has held me up and I have peace. I don't want to die, but if I do, I'll be going home, so it's a plus.

Gloria